Caught between Mr. L and a Left Hook


(upbeat theme music) Good morning Mr. Lancelotti [Mr. Lancelotti] Would you move the mic down? Yup. You got all dressed up to come to court today. I’m going to another court after that, I told ya I gotta go to Superior Court. Oh you didn’t get dressed for our court, you got dressed for Superior Court. Absolutely, because I knew I was gonna be on candid camera Alright, you’re here for two parking tickets, one’s on West Fountain, and one’s on Benefit Street. It’s tough to find a parking place in back of Superior Court, anyway, riding around, riding around, there’s a long line of cars, they all were parked where they could be parked. And so, at that time when I was looking, there was the last car the end of the line, just moved out and left, so I took the spot. Now I’m looking, there’s three different signs parking, no parking, ya know. And I’m in a hurry to get into Superior Court, so, I parked it, I got real close, and the yellow curb, all the way to the corner, was behind, right from my bumper to the corner, so I was safe. I come out of court, nobody’s got a tag but me. So, I took it upon myself, because I looked odd, to take a picture of it with my new telephone. Now if you wanna … put your finger through and go through, get all the pictures you can see all of it– I have no inclination to do that unless you have it already up on the, if you have it up on the screen, I’ll look at it, if you don’t, I’m not holding this court up to look at your, and I don’t wanna see any of the pictures that you have in there, Mr. Lancelotti. Ah yeah, I wanna show you all of the damage that the animals did to my property. I’m not interested in that. You don’t wanna see that? Now, you’ve been before the court before I know that you have a tendency to wander to other collateral topics we’re not interested in. So– Well maybe it’s because I’m looking for help all in the wrong places. Why are you at Superior Court? My neighbor across the street wanted a parking place, and he’s slowly robbed the parking place, and he has a girl, new girl now, that they lied and said I hit and run this guy, I parked next to, he parks next to me, I’ve been there for 20 years, he’s been there eight or ten years. He called the cops hours later, and decided to take it upon himself to impound my pickup truck, stating that it was a hit and run. As a result– No damage, no hit and run, I live across the street. Mr. Lancelotti, time out, why are you going to Superior Court? Are you charged with anything? Because I (stammers) he stole my truck , and I busted his windows, cause he’s, on his van. Oh okay, and how did you bust his windows? What’s that? What did you bust his windows with, a board, your fists? With a little three pound hammer. Oh. (audience chatter) And I, I wasn’t gonna hit him with the hammer, but he come running at me, full speed ahead, motorcycle guy, tough guy, ten years younger than me, and I just move like that, he went like that, and I missed him sideways. Alright, that’s enough. Anyway, that’s why I’m going to court. And I may be a felon now at 81 years old. 81 years old. No problems, no trouble, good Samaritan, nice guy, here I am, becoming a felon. It’s unfortunate you’ve taken a bad turn in life, hopefully you become rehabilitated. Well I’ll tell ya, your honor, I know it’s got nothing to do with this case, but when I get out of this, after losing a lot of money, time and help, I’m gonna hibernate like a squirrel I would hope Mr. Lancelotti that over the next 20 years you become rehabilitated. (audience laughter) Because of your wonderful elocution this morning, that we’re gonna wave the penalty, so you will pay the original fine, see Inspector Quinn. Okay, thank you very much. Your honor, one time I seen you on television– (talking over each other) Mr. Lancelotti, Mr. Lancelotti you may have hit the guy with the five pound hammer, you’re gonna get this if you keep it up, okay? (audience laughter) I know, I’m curious too, do squirrels really hibernate? So I checked with Doctor Google, squirrels do not hibernate in the winter, but they sleep a lot, I can relate to that. They do not like bitter cold, so they will stay hunkered down in their den, opting to stay warm, and eat nuts with their friends. Me too, who knew it? I’m part squirrel. Okay Rocko this is a ticket on North Main Street and Branch Avenue, going through a red light at 8:35 in the morning, let’s take a look at it. Which one is Rocko, is that Rocko, in the white car? Yes, your honor. Rocko, where were you going, you were in a hurry? No, I’m never in a hurry. Looked like you were in a hurry there. No I’m that way. And you also have a parking ticket on Trackstone Avenue. A parking ticket? Yeah, this goes back 14 years ago, 14 years ago we were looking for you Rocko. 14 years we had police officers, parking enforcement officers, FBI, like we had everybody looking for you, 14 years, Inspector Quinn, we got him. (laughs) He changed from the 14 years ago, Judge, that’s why I didn’t get a chance to get him. He’s changed his image a little bit. Now Rocko, I’m gonna ask you a question. I think I know some of your background. Were you a trainer, a fight trainer? You talk guys how to straight jab, go to the left. Right right, now I wanna ask you a question, let’s assume you were starting to train me, I was a fighter right, and my first fight, I’m fighting a guy who’s a southpaw Yeah. So what instructions are you gonna give me to handle the southpaw? I’d tell you to more to your right, to get away from the left hand. I’m gonna tell you something, that’s good, but, my father was born in Italy, he came here, and as a young man, one of the things he did, he was a prize fighter. And he always told me, when you fight a southpaw, right hand lead, right hand lead. Oh yeah, yep. Because they’re used to the left, right hand lead, and you get em’ every time. Yup. Now, did you know that? Well of course I knew that. Why didn’t you tell me? I just asked you, what, you’re keeping secrets from me? I just told you, it’s my first fight, instead of you telling me right hand lead, you’re saying oh yeah, move to your left. You told him it’s that proprietary knowledge, he needs to get compensated for that. (everyone laughs) Any other secrets you want to tell me? Nah, yeah, I can’t give out too many. The one I don’t want to give out is the one with the, when you throw the left hook, and you hit with the elbow. Let me see it, let me see it. Well, so you have the chin, is over here, when you hit over here, you turn your hand down and you crack em’ with the elbow, too, got me? Oh, that’s why those guys get the cuts in the eye, right? So you come in right, you hit, like this right, you get low, you hit, and then you hit Nice, nice, it’s one motion I got it, I got it. See, some guys go like this, they go around like this, and the opening’s there, but when you hit over here and you turn it down, you crack em’ with the elbow, you come over the top. Did you fight? Yeah, I fought. How many matches? I had 15 fights. How many guys you knock out? All but one. (everyone laughs) 14 and a half. The guy he didn’t knock out knocked him out. (everyone laughs) Alright, you were a fraction of a second off on the red light. Fraction of a second. Fraction of a second off, so I mean, even though you wouldn’t give me the right scoop on the right hand lead, you know? You can’t give too much away, you know. Well everybody’s gonna be watching now for the left hook if the guy gets the elbow. Next week, when I have the assaults coming in to court, hi you’re next I got you, you turn the hand over, and you hit em’ with the elbow. Who is the best trainer that you know? Charlie Goldman. He handled Marciano. Yeah, yeah he was … one thing Charlie knew was leverage, you know and, most of these guys today they forget about it, they don’t know leverage. They slap, they– Well, what’s leverage, explain what leverage is. Well, leverage is again your whole body into the shot. They’ll throw punches, their foot’s off, they get ya’, you gotta get your whole body right into it. Alright, now that you gave me all that information, it’s 842 dollars and 62 cents. Parlay my loan. ( everyone laughs) Case is dismissed. Thank you your honor. Good luck. I’m not sure I agree with Rocko’s advice on fighting lefties, I think you need a right hand lead. But I do know, the way Rocko could still throw a punch, he must’ve been one heck of a fighter. And, whoever knocked him out, must’ve been one hell of a fighter. All rise, and hit subscribe, so you don’t miss the latest viral moments like this one. 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